The Polka Dot Pajamas Affair	    The Polka Dot Pajamas Affair by
Ceindreadh  
 

Illya lay back in the bathtub feeling the accumulated grime of a hundred
muddy puddles slowly dissolve from his aching body. As the water soothed
his tired muscles, he resolved that his next apartment was going to have a
bathtub as well as a shower. And not just any tub...oh no, it was going to
be one as big and as comfortable as this one, with gold plated taps, like
this one, and he would have a water boiler big enough to fill it up to the
brim. With a sigh Illya slid further down in the tub until his head was
just resting comfortably on the edge of the tub. Ah, this indeed was
luxury. Maybe it was a good thing to have returned from an arduous mission
only to be told that there had been an infestation in the apartment next
to his and the exterminators had sealed off the entire floor for a week.
And maybe it was a very good thing that he had such a fine friend as
Napoleon who had offered him the use of his spare room and his exceedingly
fine bathtub until his own apartment was habitable indeed. 

The sudden knocking on the door startled Illya. Trying to sit up quickly,
he only succeeded in sliding under the water and swallowing a mouthful of
it. Coughing and spluttering, his relaxed mood thoroughly shattered, he
clung to the side of the tub as he tried to catch his breath. Okay, maybe
not such a good friend after all! 

The knocking came again, followed by Napoleon's voice, "Illya? Are you all
right in there?" 

Grabbing one of the towels that Napoleon had left for him, Illya climbed
out of the tub and hurriedly wrapped it round his waist before unlocking
the door. "What is it Napoleon?" 

Napoleon appeared to have lost the power of speech for a few seconds and
Illya was starting to feel rather uncomfortable under his gaze. "Napoleon?
What do you want?" 

Pulling himself together Napoleon said "Ah, I, er...pajamas...I said I'd
lend you a pair. But um, the laundry...yes, the laundry for the week
hasn't been returned yet, so I only have the one spare set." He awkwardly
thrust the bundle of cloth he was carrying into Illya's hands. 

Illya took the clothing and almost did a double take as he looked at it.
An evil grin appeared on his face. "I would not have picked you for a man
who wore polka-dot pajamas, Napoleon?" 

Napoleon struggled to retain his dignity as he answered, "Actually, I've
never worn them. They were a present from my dear Aunt Amy, and I couldn't
hurt her feelings by giving them away." He waited until a look of
understanding had appeared on Illya's face before adding, "And if you're
thinking of spreading this around Headquarters, just remember..." He
prodded Illya's bare chest "you are going to be the one wearing them." 

 

The memory of Illya standing dripping in a towel was making made it very
hard for Napoleon to sleep that night. After what seemed like several
hours of tossing and turning, he finally decided enough was enough.
Grabbing his robe, he tied it around him as he made his way out into the
darkened hallway. 

There wasn't much illumination in the hallway, but there was just enough
for Napoleon to make his way towards the living area without switching on
a light. And there was ample for him to make out a shadowy figure about
half way down the hall. The figure had its back to Napoleon as it pulled
on the handle to the guest bedroom...the room where Illya lay sleeping,
unaware of the impending danger. That was the only coherent thought in
Napoleon's mind as he silently lunged forward, grabbing the figure and
knocking it to the ground. 

The figure struggled violently, but Napoleon had the element of surprise
on his side and ended up sitting astride his opponent, pinning his wrists
to the ground. "Okay," he said in a low growl. "Just how did you get in
without setting off the alarms, and what were you doing?" 

"You let me in through the front door, and I was just returning from the
bathroom," replied Illya, in a tone of mild exasperation. 

"Illya?" said Napoleon. He leaned forward until their faces were only a
few inches apart and noticed the half amused half exasperated expression
on his partner's face. And that wasn't all he noticed. "Um, you do realize
you're naked..." 

"I had noticed that fact, Napoleon. I appreciated the offer...but polka
dots do nothing for my complexion." 

"So you didn't wear them." 

"I believe we've already covered that point." Illya shifted slightly under
Napoleon. "Are you going to let me up or do you plan to stay here all
night?" 

"That depends." 

"On what?" 

"On whether that's a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see
me..." 

"As I believe you've already pointed out...I'm naked..." There was now a
large grin on Illya's face. 

"Well that'll save some time," replied Napoleon, an equally large grin on
his face as he lowered it towards Illya's until their lips touched
briefly. Pulling back, he waited for Illya's reaction. 

"There's just one problem with this picture." 

"And that is?" asked Napoleon half afraid that maybe he had gone too far. 

With a quick jerk of his wrists, Illya rolled over until he was now
astride his partner. Leaning down, he hissed in Napoleon's ear. "I prefer
to be on top."	


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